Physics lesson for the married: Inertia and momentum!

Most people quit physics at the first opportunity that presented itself and as such not many of us would appreciate a combination of two of the most difficult subjects known to man, marriage and physics! However, the physics has been simplified, but the marriage….. well it stays as complicated as ever!

Newton’s first law of basically states two things;
• An object at rest will remain at rest unless acted upon by an external force.
• An object in motion will remain in motion unless acted upon by an external force.
Newton’s second law basically states that;
• The change in momentum of a body is proportional to the force applied to it and will always be in the direction of the force applied.

Newton’s first law is about inertia while the second law is about momentum. Now that you are as confused as everyone else in class, let’s see how these two great physics laws apply in our marriages.

To begin with the first law, it basically tells us that our marriages remain the same unless affected by external forces. If your marriage is good, it can remain good so long as no external force interferes. On the other hand, a difficult marriage remains difficult unless it is impacted by an external force. In many ways it would be best to leave marriages in a state of inertia especially when things are good. We let the marriage stay where it is, moving at a constant velocity in the direction our creator meant marriage to move towards.

Unfortunately that fairy tale story cannot happen so long as we live under the sun. There are a million and one forces impacting our marriages everyday from everywhere and in every direction. This means that no matter how hard we try, our marriages can never remain at rest or at the same velocity for too long because there will always be an external force acting on us as individuals, as a couple or even as a society.

That takes us to Newton’s second law. When applied to marriage, it simply means that the inevitable forces impacting our marriages will actually determine the direction our marriages take. If you allow your marriage to be impacted by a force that is negative in nature, your marriage will immediately take the direction of the new force in your relationship and acquire a negative direction! On the other hand if your marriage is impacted by a positive force, it will automatically take the direction of new influence. Determining the forces you allow to impact and influence your life is therefore an important contributor to the success or failure of your marriage.

The forces that impact our relationships come from everything we see, hear and experience. This can be in the form of reading (yes, this article is a force that will impact the direction of your marriage) media such as movies and pictures, experiences and interactions with others and many other ways. The impact of the forces influencing our marriages is not only with regards to direction but also force. Remember that the second law determines that change in momentum will be proportional to the force influencing it (our relationships). If a huge negative force comes in, it will cause a significant shift in a negative manner while the same is true to a huge positive force.

Identifying negative and positive forces is therefore our biggest concern as married couples for they will determine the direction our relationships take and the speed at which our marriages become better or bitter. While there are plenty of forces that are obviously good or bad, the biggest danger lies with those innocent looking forces that often do the greatest damage. Something as innocent as listening to a radio show that consistently depicts marriage in a negative light while exalting promiscuity, will surely impact your marriage in a negative way. Carefully evaluate all the forces you and your partner are exposed to and work to increase the positives so that they may always overcome and overwhelm the negatives that may try to impact your marriage!

There you have it, learning physics is good for marriage! 😉

Shared milestones; A relationship’s cornerstones

Every progressive individual needs to make an effort to achieve one notable milestone at least once a year. Your milestones are basically small steps towards a greater goal that you wish to achieve. As a married couple you have basically become one entity and you therefore have the responsibility of ensuring you have one or more notable milestones recorded for every year. Your milestones do not necessarily need to be the achievement of an objective, it could be the first step towards a major accomplishment such as getting pregnant, saving for an investment or a religious undertaking. You can mark a milestone in any way as long as it is positive, geared towards your bigger goals in life and most important, it must be owned by both of you.

Regardless of the many significant milestones you may manage to achieve as an individual, only the milestones that you achieve together with your spouse can be useful as cornerstones for your marriage. In most relationships there are disparities in education, finances, physical strength and many other areas. Your personal exploits in any field will do little to help grow your relationship. In fact they are likely to increase the disparity between you and your spouse which could contribute to differences. While it is important and a must to pursue your personal development, you need to ensure that personal pursuits do not cause you to forget your obligation to achieve shared milestones.

While you may find great satisfaction in climbing to the top of a mountain, that personal milestone will achieve less for your marriage as compared to taking your first 30 minute walk as a couple with your spouse. The walk is obviously not as challenging or glorifying as climbing the mountain but it can become an important milestone in your relationship. Your business could also grow significantly in one year to the point of employing 50 or more people, however, that achievement will do little for your relationship as compared to the joint contribution you make as a couple towards the running of a local children’s home.

There are a number of factors that make shared milestones a lot more important and useful for your marriage. The first factor is that a shared milestone involves sharing! Man and woman come together primarily for companionship. In the modern society, we have a lot of personal business going on and very little in the way of shared interests and time. Having a shared milestone will therefore result from shared time, shared ideas, shared challenges, shared visions and a lot of other shared things. At the end of it all, the milestone will be born of sharing, the main reason for getting married.

Another important factor that makes a common milestone greater and more useful is that is proof of your effectiveness as a team. For many couples, the wedding ceremony and the birth of children are the only common milestone they can list after years of marriage. Everything else is an individual effort which is assigned to one party because it is their responsibility. In such a situation, the couple has no real accomplishments as a couple and they do not know the joy of a shared achievement. Achieving shared milestones is proof to the couple that they make a great team and with enough practice, your attempts of achieving milestones together will become a habit that will propel you to success in many areas of your married life.

Couples also need shared milestones to help them respect and appreciate each other’s individual achievements. In the process of pursuing a common goal, you and your spouse will get to see aspects of each other that would otherwise remain unknown. As you apply your strengths and fight your challenges alongside each other, many truths become revealed. You get to see the personal challenges that your partner has had to overcome in their professional and personal life so as to achieve the milestones they have achieved as an individual. You get to see your partner tested in areas such as attention deficiencies, facing phobias, physical challenges, cultural and religious beliefs and a lot more. It can be quite an eye opener to discover your superstar spouse is actually fighting personal challenges every day at a job they seem extremely competent at.

There are many other reasons that make a shared milestone worth a lot more than the individual achievements you may manage. To enjoy the numerous benefits that shared milestones bring to a relationship, you and your spouse need to set out on a journey towards achieving a significant milestone that you can use as a cornerstone upon which you build the next level of your relationship.

Serial Marriage Killers: Dangers you need to know and avoid

Since the beginning of time, marriage and relationships have suffered and died due to the same old reasons. From time to time, these marriage killers change their appearance and maybe thought of as new, but in reality they are the same old destroyers. It is a real tragedy to see that the same old problems that destroyed marriages thousands of years ago continue to rein havoc on our relationships to this day. Here are some of the top relationship destroyers and how you can avoid having your marriage fall victim to these age old serial marriage killers!

1. Dishonesty

As we all know, honesty is one of the most important pillars in all relationships. In marriage, honesty is the main pillar and when replaced with dishonesty, it guarantees the collapse of the relationship. In marriage, dishonesty takes many shapes and forms. From the most basic lies of deception to other forms that are sometimes not easily discernible. Broken promises, agreeing for the sake of it, faking sentiments / emotions, doing things behind each other’s backs, infidelity, involving others instead of your spouse and failing in your responsibilities are other types of dishonesty that can ruin your marriage. While most people consider some forms of dishonesty as being more severe than others, the truth is that all of them are equally damaging to a relationship. In most cases, the only difference is their rate of erosion where some damage the marriage faster than others; however, they will all ultimately lead to the destruction of your marriage.

Lying about an affair, breaking your marriage vows, saying yes when you do not mean yes, pretending to offer support while secretly sabotaging, doing less than your very best in your marital obligations or bringing in others where your spouse should be are all going to erode and eventually destroy your marriage. On paper, some look worse than others but given time, all of them will leave you with a damaged and broken marriage. Avoid the trap of dishonesty by being open and 100% honest about everything in your marriage. This is however not a call to recklessness and cruelty! Let your actions and words be tempered by love and guided by wisdom at all times.

2. Selfishness

Marriage is an institution where the other party should always come first. Unfortunately most of us get into it for selfish reasons where we expect it to be a channel that will deliver satisfaction to our needs. This obviously sets us up for failure as we find that the other person also came into the relationship expecting to be on top at all times. Selfishness is demonstrated in all areas of marriage where we expect to have our way in every day decisions, in matters of intimacy, when introducing new things or idea, show jealousy, lack of self control, nagging, becoming controlling and in many other ways. When two people come from different back grounds to become one, there are bound to be differences in opinion and understanding. Expecting that your way will always be the way is not only selfish but also unrealistic. No relationship can survive selfishness.

To avoid selfishness taking over your marriage, it is important to consciously give significant concessions to your partner. You may not agree or even approve of a particular issue but you must occasionally give up on your interests to allow your spouse their way. This does not mean withdrawing to become a spectator, it calls for accepting that their way is now your way and you will actively participate to ensure success. Selflessness in marriage will ensure a long happy marriage where both parties can count on each other and trust each other in every way.

3. Resistance to change

In the Bible, there is a story of a man who worked for 7 years to get a bride, unfortunately his father in law tricked him and gave him the wrong bride. The man who was known as Jacob could have chosen to accept his situation and proceed to live with Leah in what would have obviously been a miserable marriage or adjust to the new situation and work another 7 years for the love of his life, Rachel. Few of us have to face such difficult decisions and adjustments in our marriages; however we are often unwilling to make even the slightest adjustments for those we claim to love the most. People resist change in marriage because it does not conform to what they expected of marriage, or because it does not match what they already know. Things are further complicated when we go to seek counsel from those who are close to us as they will usually share our opinion or view which makes the new way or idea even more difficult to accommodate.

Having an open mind is a huge buffer for couples. New challenges in marriage will often require a new approach to solving them. If you accept change in your relationship, your life together becomes an adventure which will bring greater satisfaction and joy to you and your partner. Change is the only constant in life and if resisted, you are guaranteed to endure a very difficult life. Age, children, neighbors, relatives and career are some of the main avenues through which change comes into our lives. Embrace the changes that come into your life positively and you will enjoy an amazing marriage that can stand through the storms and sunny days.

There are many other marriage killers waiting to destroy our relationships. It is important for all of us to be wary and on the lookout. If you know other marriage killers that you would like to share with us, please do so by commenting to this post as we continue to work towards stronger and happier marriages.

Keep the fire burning in your marriage: Places and ways to refuel!

Nobody wants a cold marriage! We all want a red hot relationship that has lots of passion, excitement, victories and good memories. Unfortunately, most marriages enjoy very little heat if any. From the onset, it is as if there is a set timer that works to gradually reduce the heat in marriage to a freezing point where divorce or a cold coexistence is all that remains of what was a fiery romance. A cold relationship is characterized by poor or no communication, sharing fewer interests, engage in sex less often, no intensity in disputes, reduced or no expectations, a dislike for previously enjoyed activities and much more.

If you have noted some or a lot of the characteristics mentioned above, your relationship is very likely dropping its temperature and you too could soon be freezing in a cold marriage. To avoid being in this unenviable position, you need to ensure that your relationship is always well fueled so as to deliver the much needed heat that will keep you marriage alive and healthy. Here are a few places and ways for you to refuel and ensure that the fire in your marriage keeps burning for as long as you both shall live.

Keep the fire burning in your marriage!

1.        God

Regardless of your religion or faith if you believe in God, then that should always be your first stop for refueling your marriage. Every religion has a very special place for marriage as this is the one institution sanctioned by God through his creation of man and woman. Whenever you go back to religious teachings, you will always find something to encourage, grow and sustain your relationship as a couple. God is the number one fuel that will keep your marriage propelled in the right direction while also providing sufficient heat for your journey of love. Engaging in prayers and other religious activities together will help you enjoy a warm, fulfilling and happy marriage.

2.        Play

If too much work and no play makes Jack a dull boy, imagine what happens when you multiply that by two! Too much work and no play will make Jack and Jill double dull! Marriage is nothing if it is not fun! Every so often, you and your partner need to look for a mutually enjoyable activity that you can engage in. As you play with your partner, you get to know each other better while also creating beautiful memories that will help carry you through the tough moments that will come in future. A camping trip, a night out dancing, travelling, a picnic or some other shared hobby are great ways for you and your spouse to enjoy each other’s company and ensure that the fire in your marriage never dies down.

3.        Give

Giving is one of the most powerful instruments that can bring fulfillment to a human being. Giving has been and continues to be an integral component of every race, religion, society and civilization. Those who give find greater meaning and fulfillment in life. As a couple, it is your duty to find a reason and season to give. Do not wait to have so that you can give but rather make a habit of giving what you have. When you share a positive and meaningful experience such as giving to someone who has greater need than yourself, you invoke the kindness of God upon your lives. For those who believe in karma, your actions of kindness will come back to you in greater kindness. As you share the experience of giving, it gives back to you and your spouse. You will grow closer, warmer and happier if you make giving a part of your marriage.

4.        Intimacy

Intimacy in marriage is the thermometer that gauges how cold or warm things are between a couple. It is a direct reflection of how hot or cold your relationship is at any given time. A healthy and mutually satisfying sex life is important for the life of a marriage. A marriage that lacks sex for extended durations without any serious or well understood reason is on its death bed. Even in the absence of sex intimacy can still be maintained through kissing and touching. The physical connection that comes from intimacy cannot be replaced with the provision of anything else such as presents, money or even words. Physical intimacy is critical to maintaining the correct relationship temperatures in your marriage.

5.        Adventure

Every so often, your relationship requires you to hit the refresh button and attempt old things in a new way or go for an entirely new thing in a new way. The thrill of the unknown is a limitless source of fuel for your marriage. By constantly trying new things you get to see your partner in a different light and get to know things about them that you would never have known if you did not try out something new and different. Your adventures can be applied in every aspect of your lives. You can relocate to a new place, try a new restaurant, experiment with new ideas in bed, look for new opportunities to give, change your dressing styles, attempt new feats and so much more. A marriage that embraces new ideas will have a constant supply of heat from the thrill and excitement of the adventures that the couple enjoys.

There are many other heat “sources” that you should look at when looking to keep your marriage as hot as possible. As you can see they do not require lots of money or time, they only need some creativity, will and determination. Do not let the fire die down in your marriage; it is easier to keep it burning rather than attempt to reignite it every time you realize that your relationship is getting cold. If you have other ideas on ways in which we can keep the fire burning in our marriages, please feel free to share them with us and we will be more than happy to try them out and see how they work.

3 great ways to increase your appreciation for each other in marriage

Communication, sex and money are considered the biggest 3 marriage breakers of all time. Lack of appreciation happens to be a close 4^th on the list of issues that can break up a happy home. It is therefore important for you and your partner to always find ways through which you can appreciate each other genuinely. You will only feel appreciated when you are acknowledged for something that is worthy. When the recognition is not deserved it could cause other issues and problems in your marriage. You should therefore direct your efforts at appreciating the outstanding and special efforts made by your partner.

1. Walk a mile in their shoes

One of the main reasons why you and your partner may fail to appreciate each other enough is having little or no understanding what the other person goes through in their efforts to meet marital obligations. To have a better understanding and appreciation what it takes to do what your partner does, you should begin sharing in their experience. You could switch roles for a day or some other period just to learn what the other person goes through. In situations where a complete switch of roles may not be possible, you could spend time with them as they do what they do. This is the next best thing to doing it yourself and will help you understand your partner better.

2. Always take note when someone does “their job”

Early on in marriage there are certain responsibilities and roles that will automatically fall on each party. These are either designated by our cultures, religions, through consensus between the couple or through any other means. These will in many cases take the form of repeated tasks and responsibilities which happen to be the most neglected when it comes to appreciation. In most situations people do not get thanked for doing their job. Bosses do not pat your back for getting to work on time and the government will never send you a thank you note for paying your taxes. However, things change when it comes to marriage. Keeping time, paying bills, cooking, cleaning and all other contributions and efforts need to be appreciated. Taking note of these ordinary things will motivate your partner to do more extra ordinary stuff!

3. Play your part

There is nothing worse than being the only one making an effort. When both you and your spouse work in and on your relationship, it helps increase the level of appreciation you feel for each other.  Your successes become corporate achievements that are a result of your effective team work. Your input makes it possible to achieve more individually and as a couple. By playing your part in marriage, you motivate and challenge your partner to do the same. They feel appreciated through your actions and you will in turn enjoy a similar feeling of appreciation derived from seeing them play their part.

Appreciating your partner is an emotional obligation that you owe to each other in a marriage. You must always work to appreciate each other and more importantly you must give your partner a reason to appreciate you. It requires constant and conscious efforts to appreciate each other and you must work to give your partner the appreciation they deserve.

A few good marriage blogs

Being relatively new on the net we thought to share a few good marriage blogs that we know to have useful content. Check them out and feel free to share other blogs that you know to have useful information on the subject of marriage and relationships.

Please note that the blogs are not arranged in any specific order. We just put them up randomly.

1. http://simplemarriage.net/blog/ This blog shares ideas on how you can choose to make your marriage a better and more fulfilling one.

2. http://assumelove.com/ Here, you will find all kinds of information on marriage and relationships. An all round look at everything marriage.

3. http://www.happywivesclub.com/ An excellent resource that shares experiences and ideas of women who have chosen to be happy in marriage despite all the ups and downs!

4. http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/my-blog/ Is one place where marriage issues are not sugar coated. Said as it is, this blog takes a brutally honest look at marriage, its challenges and triumphs.

We hope that our blog will soon gain the popularity, following and huge information resources available on these blogs and websites.

We hope that you too shall share other quality marriage blogs that you trust to give us great information on the subject of relationships.

Enjoy!

Finding your own way in marriage

 

 

For most people in marriage today, the easiest and most effective way of dealing with issues is engaging professionals or asking family and friends to help with ideas and find solutions. While the advice of these people can often be very helpful, it must not be blindly applied to your lives and relationship without you taking the time to adjust and modify it so that it fits the very unique circumstances of your marriage.

 

An effective idea or solution in one relationship will not automatically work in the next one due to the significant differences in personality between you as a couple and individually as well as due to the differences in the dynamics of your marriage. The problem in question may be exactly the same but the solutions that work for each couple will be as different as everything else in their lives. In addition to personality, the dynamics of time, money, environment, culture etc will play a critical role in solving issues that arise.

 

Finding your own way in marriage does not mean disregarding the input of others when dealing with your issues, it involves taking advice and opinions from others and modifying them to suit you, your partner and your circumstances. It is also important to note that finding your way is not only applied when trying to solve problems. You and your spouse need to find your own way in many other areas of life. You need to find your own way of raising your children, acquiring and growing wealth, enjoying sex, relating with others in society and much more.

There is no doubt that there will be times where you will find a ready and totally suitable solution from others. This should however be the exception to the rule and a rare occurrence that comes as a pleasant surprise. It may appear to be easier and less of a headache to simply do things as your father, sister, pastor or friend does. However, you need to always remember that you and your spouse are very different individuals from the couple you may choose to imitate. Your circumstances and preferences are also different and as such, the path you choose to follow may become exceedingly difficult for your marriage simply because you are on a journey that is not yours.

Religious teachings, counseling, advice, shared experiences and all other information made available to you are simply meant to help you chart a better course for your marriage. Your job as a couple is to choose what is applicable in your marriage so that you can then apply it in the manner most suitable to your relationship. Knowing that you and your partner are walking a path that you have chosen for yourselves brings great satisfaction while also presenting many opportunities for bonding and getting to know each other better. Clearly, there are numerous benefits to be enjoyed when you choose to chart out a unique course for your family as you pursue the best possible family life experience.

A place to start: Investing a greater effort in marriage!

How many positive adjectives can you honestly use to describe your marriage? Is it fun? Is it happy? Is it fulfilling? Or a combination of two or more wonderful things such as satisfying and growing. Unfortunately for a large majority who are currently in marriage, there are very few positive things to say about our relationships. With so many marriages being in danger, we need to take a stand and fight for the most important human social institution.

The first step we can do to make marriage better for us and our spouses is to make a greater Effort! There is no doubt that we all try, some more than others but as long as you are married you have to be making some kind of effort. In some cases the effort made is commendable while there are many situations where the effort is simply not enough. Making a greater effort should start with you dealing with the most frequent changeable issue you have heard your spouse bring up in the recent past. In a lot of cases, these issues are simply a matter of adjusting your lifestyle. By doing just a little to accommodate their concerns, you will have done a lot for your marriage.

A better marriage will automatically spell success to you and your spouse in every other area of life. A fulfilling relationship boosts confidence in an individual. It also allows you to focus on your business, career or schooling which leads to even more happiness once you achieve in these personal pursuits. Each of us knows the damage that a bad marriage can wreck on career, business and school. By investing a little more time, energy and thought into your marriage, you reap huge benefits individually and as a family.

A huge challenge in executing the greater effort agenda is having a partner who does not reciprocate. This is however a challenge that can be effectively dealt with through proper communication. Talking your partner into improving what they do can be difficult especially when you are dealing with a “no brainer” that they should already know or be good at! It is hard to resist the temptation of telling them off while bragging about the goodies you have managed to deliver through your greater efforts! Unfortunately, this will not propel most people in the direction which you had hoped to guide them towards. Poor communication will actually reduce the interest of your spouse in making any effort at all.

Start by putting a little more effort in the time, energy and thought you invest into your marriage and you will no doubt reap huge dividends that are individual as well as corporate.

 

We invite you to share your opinions and ideas on the subject discussed on this and all other blogs!

Thank you.

Hello good people

Hello and welcome to our blog that seeks to help married couples enjoy marriage as it was meant to be enjoyed since the day God sent Eve to Adam while in the garden of Eden.

First off I must begin by saying that this is not a blog where you will get expert advice on marriage as I highly doubt that any single person can lay claim to being an expert on the subject. However, we hope that every reader and contributor to this blog shall share their experience with the rest of us so as to help us all enjoy marriages that are happier, healthier and totally fulfilling!

We hope to post a blog or two each week, where we shall bring up some interesting conversation that we hope shall entertain, inform and stimulate us all to the betterment of our marriages!

Karibu!

Taiti